How To Dress Like An Irish [L]ass- With Pictures!

 As a follow-up to my last post, I’ve composed this description of how I think I would dress if I were Irish, or trying to look like it. This is based off my month-long observation of what ‘kids these days’ are wearing. All pictures are from 'New Look', a popular chain shop.

Head to Toe

Hair: I would buy one of those freaky hair sponges they sell everywhere and use it to create the ‘perfect’ bun. Then I would shake my head around until I had whiplash to create the perfect ‘messy’ look.

Scarf: You can’t be European without the scarf. Any color or fabric will do as long as you never allow your neck to be fully exposed for more than 30 seconds. This will save you from vampires.

Top: Something filmy and flowing and what you would see in the dictionary if you looked up the word ‘diaphanous.’ Probably covered in precious flowers or little birds. Completely irrelevant in chilly weather.

Sweater: A thickly knitted sweater in bleak shades of grays or blues or black. Can be removed when you want to show your shoulders to the boys. Can be put back on when you realize it’s 40 degrees outside.

Shorts/Tights: I’ve got to group these together, since they are always worn together.

            Step 1: Choose a pair of tights in your color of choice—green, purple, grey, black, maroon, etc.

            Step 2: Choose a pair of shorts that are completely inappropriate for the time of year.

            Step 3: Combine.

Viola! You’re legs are completely covered but still frozen.

Shoes: Lace up a pair of Converse sneakers, preferably a color that directly clashes with your tights.

Complete the look with a ton of what we in the States call ‘Hooker Make-up’ and way too much self-tanner and you’re good to go!

Now you either look:

1. Acceptable for your age (if you are 16 or under)
2. Like a Fashion Victim that got dressed in the dark.

Next Blog: Why Irish People Must Be Horrible At Geometry (Coming Soon!)